Archive for beards

Beard Haiku Number Nine

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on 07/26/2011 by Tim

Oh, my fuzzy scrub–

rained to the sink, down the drain,

clogging up the pipes.

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#96: New Beard

Posted in Story Every Day with tags , , on 10/19/2010 by Tim

After that last conversation we had I was close to giving up on Hannah, but then I kept thinking about how her apron hung on her shoulders and how she seemed so stuffed full of life at her register even though she probably spent every day thinking about someone taking her away from the Piggly Wiggly, walking in there tough and not pushing a cart or anything and saying, “Come on, girl.”

I went to my friend Marcus. He’s a bee farmer. He’s not a bee farmer by trade, of course, but by hobby. His real job is auto repair. I found him at it when I got to his place.

“I’m thinking something real impressive,” I said, and I stroked the air from chin to belt. “A beard this long. How many would that be?” In my brain there I was, at the head of a line full of yokels waiting to buy their ice cream and their wheat bread, all torn about whether to stand there and risk getting stung or to try another line, and I was saying to Hannah, “How do you like my new beard?”

“You have to stand very still,” he said. His head was up under the hood of somebody’s compact car. “It’s not like you can hop behind the wheel and just drive into town with a mess of bees on you.”

“We can do it in the parking lot,” I said. “We’ll park along the side and get it set up.” I’d seen him wear a beard before, twice, and I said, “I know what to do. We can get the queen on and everything’ll go from there.”

“We’ll just haul them in my truck,” he said. “You’re a prize winner. Why don’t we give you a bee toupee while we’re at it? Why don’t we just do you a three-piece suit right there in the Piggly parking lot?”

I looked at that smug bastard tickling around in the guts of that car and I thought about just grabbing the hood and bringing it down hard. I’m not a violent man but at times these feelings overtake me for just a half-second and I can see where some people go wrong.