Story Every Day

One story every day for 200 days:

#1: Chocolate: in which chocolate is revealed to be bad for cancer.

#2: The Sweaty Detective: in which the detective contaminates evidence.

#3: Bender: in which a woman confesses the ecstatic murder of an ant.

#4: Happy Birthday, Amish: in which a delicious golem is made.

#5: Based on a True Story: in which a missing dog is found.

#6: The Tooth Fairy: in which a fairy tale is related.

#7: APC: in which heads are nearly mailed.

#8: Pure of Heart: in which magical office equipment is tested.

#9: Love Blossom: in which desire causes mutation.

#10: Pump: in which an unpleasant dinner is consumed.

#11: Goat’s: in which characters pursue the best donut ever.

#12: Friends: in which self-mutilation proves profitable.

#13: Restless Legs: in which legs gain their freedom.

#14: I Almost Forgot: in which a stranger tugs on the legs of children.

#15: Will: in which a man pines for his lawyer.

#16: The Heat and the Mujeres: in which two passengers escape a wrecked car.

#17: Thaw: in which restaurant health standards are violated.

#18: Mustache: in which a new mustache is made from blood.

#19: Popsicle: in which a woman considers her flavor.

#20: A Little Window: in which a man opens a little window in another man.

#21: Pizza Time: in which someone rides raccoons.

#22: Ground Squirrel: in which insults are traded with officemates.

#23: Syr Boringen and the Herte: in hwhich a noble knyght is trycked by a damoysel.

#24: Mechanic: in which gas mileage is improved by a simple potato.

#25: Sense: in which a cat discerns its owner did not receive a raise.

#26: Tantrum: in which a man receives more than his takeout Cuban food.

#27: Pastor Myakesnak and the Devil: in which a prank is completed, twice.

#28: Marine: in which water rushes into an apartment.

#29: Personal Responsibility: in which salad dressing is spread around a break room.

#30: Snack: in which a driver laments his lost roast beef sandwich.

#31: His Cunning Duplicate: in which a blind date is ruined.

#32: Season: in which a movie theater clerk improves popcorn.

#33: A Pit of Vampires, Part One: in which a son questions his father about vampires.

#34: A Pit of Vampires, Part Two: in which a father messes with his son.

#35: Creep: in which a man is kept in his room by tapping spider legs.

#36: Voiceover: in which a couple watches The Twilight Zone.

#37: The Sweaty Detective Visits Don Piano: in which a disappearance is investigated.

#38: Sloppy Joseph: in which Sloppy Joseph laughs and laughs.

#39: Mush: in which a dental procedure becomes despearte.

#40: Bonkers: in which a cartoon cat pulls over a car.

#41: Evening Drinks at the Electric Lizard: in which someone lies about AIDS.

#42: Flash: in which someone sells out a friend for a camera.

#43: Swirl: in which a child huffs a green marker.

#44: The Devil Comes Into Me: in which someone takes the stage in demonic makeup.

#45: Toys: in which a cat vomits a beer can.

#46: Pomegranate: in which a boy urinates in inappropriate places.

#47: Half Asleep: in which someone recounts a near degloving.

#48: Digging: in which someone exercises nearly to the point of hallucination.

#49: Block: in which someone performs tricks with cats.

#50: Deep Sea: in which a new society is discovered beneath the sea’s surface.

#51: Cleaner: in which someone cleans an office too thoroughly.

#52: The Myth of Traffetus: in which the ancient myth of Traffetus is retold.

#53: You, My Friend, Should Turn off the Oven and Step Outside: in which someone speaks with cauliflower.

#54: New Teeth: in which a lonely man gains confidence.

#55: Skeleton: in which one skeleton demands a skeleton mate.

#56: Explanation of What Happened Sunday Night with the Floor Noodles: in which someone again violates restaurant health regulations.

#57: Smashing: in which two people attempt to evade the police.

#58: Clean: in which someone makes soap in an attempt to charm a woman.

#59: Fish and Fountainf: in which a live fish is found on a sidewalk.

#60: Scratch: in which an academic advising session ends in dandruff.

#61: In the Tank: in which someone is locked in a basement w/ specimens.

#62: Dear CampusNote: in which an angry email is sent to a company.

#63: Weird Beard: in which a mail order product is used to unfortunate result.

#64: Don’t Write One of Those Stories About This:

#65: Circus Bill: in which a carnival comes to town.

#66: Best: in which a birthday card is agonized over.

#67: Raise Weight: in which a bar conversation is misheard.

#68: Polymer: in which a glass eye’s makeup is explained.

#69: Panty Eater: in which a coach considers student email addresses.

#70: 7:01: in which a construction worker gleefully awakens a neighborhood.

#71: Queen of Calamities: in which the Queen of Calamities faces the King of Pork.

#72: Dear Wes: a guest story by Sarah Rodenberg.

#73: The Rewards of the Righteous: in which baked goods are criticized.

#74: Recruit: in which someone lusts desperately for a younger person.

#75: Roadside Attraction: in which someone is whipped on a highway shoulder.

#76: Caller: in which a voice is determined to be hot.

#77: Moonraker: in which someone moonrakes a house.

#78: Bake: in which someone nearly chokes to death on a toy.

#79: 60% Off Dent and Scratch Refrigerators and Freezers: in which a local celebrity is recognized.

#80: Swipe: in which a little test is administered.

#81: After the Power of God Came Upon Me: in which the Earth is opened.

#82: How Strange, I Thought, How Some People Lived: in which someone leaves his consciousness.

#83: The Pervy Elf on Your Inner Thigh: in which an embarrassing tattoo is publicized.

#84: Stretch: in which someone takes knives to art.

#85: She Swam in the Poisoned River So Regularly That They Named it for Her: in which a mother swims through filth.

#86: Query: in which someone attends an awkward literary reading.

#87: Interstate 80: in which someone breaks the window of his mother’s car.

#88: Futureman: in which everything floats.

#89: The Raging Rapids: in which a theme park ride is joyously operated.

#90: What Happened While I Was Unemployed: in which cars are egged.

#91: On the Curious Stranger Who Came to Us Over the Pack Ice: in which a brave claim is tested.

#92: Gas Everywhere: in which a fuel tank bursts.

#93: Inspection: in which curious lease clauses are enforced.

#94: The Mummy Crushes Skulls: in which a mummy crushes skulls.

#95: Smoked: in which an enormous hand descends from above.

#96: New Beard: in which the man from #54 tries a new tactic.

#97: Invasion: in which a dog sniffs out a bee.

#98: Bee Butt: in which a sandwich is offered.

#99: Bee Bout: in which a man battles a bee in the sky.

#100: What is Everyone Waiting For?: in which special cakes are eaten.

#101: Changing Room: in which a woman’s judgment is questioned.

#102: Ink: in which an amateur wields tattoo equipment.

#103: Fuckin Fire My Corpse Into Deepest Space: in which plans for corpse disposal are considered.

#104: The Librarian Patrols the Third Floor for Sleepers: in which clouds become monsters.

#105: Breath: in which a coworker’s breath smells of molded spaghetti.

#106: I Shall Try to Return as a Zombie: in which ambitious plans for the afterlife are made.

#107: The Stuffed Bear Reveals His Secret: in which someone is drowned in a toilet.

#108: This is What I Wear When I’m in Canada: in which a wardrobe is explained.

#109: You Left Your Pants Here: in which someone denies having left pants.

#110: Borscht!: in which the rules of the game of Borscht! are detailed.

#111: Jackpot: in which the Sweaty Detective responds to reader mail.

#112: Cockroach Bite: in which a woman’s foot is bitten.

#113: Underground Delicacy: in which a new food source is discovered.

#114: Reflection in Bed the Morning After: in which a dinner table is fondly remembered.

#115: 2/$5 Energy Drinks: in which a new job is celebrated.

#116: There Was No Such Thing as Real Beatlemania: in which a conspiracy theory is argued.

#117: Driving to the Grave: in which a government program falls apart.

#118: Pickup Full of Chefs: in which a vehicle is cut off.

#119: Calories: in which muscles present a mystery.

#120: An Amazing Adventure: Beans Again: in which the reader chooses an adventure.

#121: The Parable of Poseidon: in which Quartes spears a merman.

#122: Night Shift, Second Break: in which plans are made for old age.

#123: Mere Indications of Violent and Dangerous Streaks Hidden Throughout: in which pizza restaurant employees meet to discuss recent behavior.

#124: Code Me a Robot: in which a programmer hacks a cat.

#125: Toby Goes Drinking with an Administrator from the Department of Transportation: in which people drive through their own living rooms.

#126: Jesus Will Watch You Draw Your Stories: in which a mother complains.

#127: Ground Beak: in which a recipe for virility is followed.

#128: Oyan: in which a robot is toppled.

#129: Best Seller: in which a new video game simulation is reviewed.

#130: Iron: in which someone rides in a trunk.

#131: Pregnant with a Dead Man’s Baby: in which twenty dollars are discovered beneath a car.

#132: Dog Puncher: in which a man loses his ability to perform.

#133: Errand Boy: in which the Queen’s servant finds her favorite beer.

#134: Black Friday: in which someone discovers a new child.

#135: -396: in which a time traveler communicates with his past self.

#136: Parallel: in which a car battery fails.

#137: Fwoom: in which a boyfriend accidentally lights himself on fire.

#138: The Pig Suit: in which a new investment is unveiled.

#139: Oilhead: in which a special baby is born.

#140: Spattered in Gore, the Cop Blinked, Stunned: in which a man bursts.

#141: Red Eye: in which an ailment is hoped to be sexy.

#142: Sing Along: in which that reindeer is drunk.

#143: The Gout: in which a young woman considers gout.

#144: Pawn: in which a medical curiosity is sold for $20.

#145: Nothing is Ever Good Enough: in which a true gift is considered.

#146: The Bear: in which a houseguest proves a liability.

#147: Prayer for Organs: in which an earnest plea is delivered.

#148: You Don’t Want to Work There: in which a workplace’s practices are discussed.

#149: Balloon: in which someone steals a hot-air balloon.

#150: Grip: in which secrets are pulled from a man’s arm.

#151: Hot Ham and Cheese: in which a pair of cops pursue their case.

#152: Chomp Chomp Chomp: in which a lawn needs to be mowed.

#153: Starfish: in which an underground pet store is explored.

#154: Faceprint: in which instructions are given for a faceprint.

#155: The Roach Man: in which a final battle springs unexpectedly.

#156: Spit: in which a teenager spits throughout a house.

#157: That Dog Has a Million-Dollar Gut: in which a dog eats a ring.

#158: Confession Regarding My Exquisite Mustaches: in which hair is harvested.

#159: The Video: in which a Youtube sensation remains online.

#160: Tex-Rex Mex: in which the place that preceded Tastydactyl is remembered.

#161: Blood: in which an April 1st prank is annoyingly effective.

#162: Hole in the Snow: in which a ski is kicked off.

#163: Breakfast: in which a canteloupe is halved.

#164: Banana Never Tastes Like Banana: in which lipstick is applied.

#165: Wallering: in which a prohibition is administered.

#166: Toy Car: in which a body is exhumed according to careful rules.

#167: Thick Brown Hair: in which a sleepover turns creepy.

#168: Sorry About Your Wedding Reception and the Afterparty: in which too much fun is had.

#169: Locked Out: in which a locksmith demonstrates incompetence.

#170: Bacon Brain: in which a culinary habit is carried to its extreme.

#171: Caribblaster: in which cheaters are observed.

#172: Swedish Chocolate: in which a new drug is sampled.

#173: Tina Monk’s Tractors: in which an accusation is denied.

#174: Armless Batman: in which someone is drowned in Kool-Aid

#175: Tim Dicks Is: in which the author starts to cook.

#176: Stop, in the Name of the Animal Kingdom!: in which a security guard patrols the zoo.

#177: Cat Scratch Disease: in which a disease is diagnosed.

#178: Donation: in which clothes are given to shelter residents.

#179: Bear Country: in which a car fails at an unfortunate time.

#180: Intersection: in which glass is taken from someone’s ear.

#181: This Kills the Crab: in which a performer considers his act.

#182: Pizza Face: in which a delicious assault takes place.

#183: Candy Bar: in which a student asks for bus fare.

#184: Carburetor Chest: in which a child is born with anomalous anatomy.

#185: Tomato Penne, BLT, Rosemary Chicken: in which children cook for a father after a mother’s death.

#186: Man in a Sleeveless “Got Crabs” Shirt: in which a man displays his class.

#187: Heppelwhite: in which life’s disappointments are carried to the end.

#188: Ambulation: in which plans for special sidewalks are shared.

#189: Ridiculous: in which a character from #88 patronizes a liquor store.

#190: Kill Your Dog: in which the President urges a citizen to kill a pet.

#191: Cabin Climate: in which cold seeps through cabin walls.

#192: Son of a Whore: in which vulgarity provokes a confession.

#193: Laid Off: in which goodbyes are said with the help of scripture.

#194: The Mauler: in which all teeth are removed.

#195: Cotard’s: in which someone might be beyond embarrassment.

#196: Dino Party: in which dinosaurs use coupons.

#197: This Ham is Wasted on You: in which a country ham is carved.

#198: Colossal Squid: in which a squid eats a kid.

#199: Vibration: in which family members drink hospital coffee.

#200: Dragon Teeth: in which a dragon’s tooth is bought.

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